Feel foggy, anxious, exhausted or wired after loss? Here’s what’s going on.
Feel like you can’t concentrate? Are you forgetting things? Starting a sentence and losing your train of thought mid sentence? You’re not alone. In fact, grief brain fog is the number one issue for many in our Good Mourning community. Yet, often people don’t realise that the emotional stress of loss is the reason they’ve called their boss mum for the fifth time today, or keep missing appointments.
Can grief cause brain fog? Yes. Does grief change your brain? Double yes. Is the grieving brain to blame for the fact you’ve forgotten what day it is? Probably. Bereavement touches every part of our lives – and the effects of grief on the brain is huge.
When you’re in the thick of grief brain, you feel like nothing helps you think clearer. It often doesn’t help that bereavement leave is short, and employers often expect people to return to work before they’re ready. Many people start to wonder if this is just how they are now.
Do any of these sound familiar?
- Forgetting appointments or tasks
- Mixing up your words
- Feeling overwhelmed by simple decisions
- Losing focus halfway through conversations
If you can relate to any of the above, you’re not going mad. We’ve been there, too – we’ve put the car keys in the fridge, got tongue-tied, trailed off mid-sentence during a meeting, and wondered if it’ll always be like this. Don’t worry, the grieving brain doesn’t last forever. Your brain is just rewiring itself to make sense of a new reality, and mental hiccups are normal.
Understanding the link between emotional stress and neuroplasticity
When we often think of the waves of grief hitting us, we think of the emotion that comes with it. Yet grief isn’t just emotional – it’s deeply biological. Your brain changes during grief. When we interviewed Dr. Mary-Frances O’Connor, author of The Grieving Brain and associate professor at the University of Arizona, she explained that our brains and survival instincts shape how we experience grief.
When we lose someone, the brain rewires itself to adapt. This process is called neuroplasticity – the brain reorganises itself in response to positive and negative experiences. It involves the prefrontal cortex and limbic system, responsible for emotional regulation and memory. Grief activates the brain’s stress response, causing neurons related to fear and memory to fire repeatedly. The phrase “neurons that fire together wire together” perfectly illustrates why these symptoms can feel relentless.
Our brains wire themselves to repeat these stress responses whenever something reminds us of our loss. A memory, a photo, a smell or even hearing their name can trigger it. This can lead to a persistent cognitive fog that leaves you feeling mentally fuzzy, aka grief brain fog.
Grief brain and brain fog explained
One of our favourite guests that we’ve have on our grief podcast to date is Dr Lisa Shulman, who is is a well-known neurologist. She’s also a widow. When her husband died, she experienced severe grief brain fog, which led her to research and write about it in her book, Before and After Loss: A Neurologist’s Perspective on Loss, Grief, and Our Brain. During our conversation, she shared that one of the best things you can do to help your brain after bereavement is journalling. This was a key part of her healing process, and something she recommends to others to try.
It works because writing down your thoughts and feelings gives you an outlet for the mental clutter that can accumulate. Try setting aside a few minutes each day to write freely (without judgment) to help process what you’re going through.
Other things that help with grief brain
- Email yourself immediately: If you think of something to do, email it so it’s in your inbox.
- Set reminders: Use your phone to set reminders for daily tasks.
- Add it to your calendar ASAP: Add appointments to your calendar as soon as you make them. Also, colour coding can help.
- Buy a fridge planner: You can get a reusable one to help you keep on top of important appointments or tasks.
- Sticky notes everywhere: Write reminders on sticky notes and put them somewhere you’ll see them.
Maintaining social connections is also really important when it comes to grief brain fog, and we love this tip from Dr Mary Frances O’Connor’s new book, The Grieving Body: How the Stress of Loss Can Be an Opportunity for Healing. She suggests to always have a Plan B. For example, say you have plans to go to the movies with a friend. Let them know you might feel tired that day and ask if it’s okay to have a backup plan. You might suggest Plan B is a cup of tea together at your house instead. It’s a great suggestion because it gives you room to accommodate grief brain into your plans, without cancelling them.
Finally, remember this: Reaching out for support is not a weakness. It’s a brave step toward feeling held in your grief. You deserve that.
Helpful resources
We talk about grief brain as well as the wider physical impacts of grief in our grief book, Good Mourning: Honest conversations about grief and loss. Check it out if you’d like to explore this topic in more depth. And if you’re finding things especially hard, please don’t go through it alone. There are some fantastic grief and loss support services available that can offer immediate help, no matter where you are in the world:
- Australia: Griefline – 1300 845 745
- United Kingdom: Cruse Bereavement Support – 0808 808 1677
- United States: 988 Lifeline – 988
- Canada: mygrief.ca
Looking for grief support? Explore tools, resources, and community that help
If you’re looking for ongoing support as you navigate grief, the Good Mourning Grief Support Membership offers expert-informed tools, compassionate resources, and a supportive community to help you feel less alone. Whether you’re in early grief or rebuilding life after loss, our membership is designed to give you practical strategies, grief and loss tools, and guided support from people who truly get it. From exclusive grief resources to live sessions and expert Q&As, it’s a safe space for grieving people to explore how to cope with grief, process emotions, and build resilience, at your own pace.
Author bio:
Sally Douglas is a grief educator, speaker, certified breathwork practitioner and coach, and co-founder of Good Mourning – a globally top-ranked grief podcast with over 1.2 million downloads. Following the sudden death of her mother, Sally became passionate about helping others navigate grief with more honesty and compassion. She is co-author of the bestselling book Good Mourning: Honest Conversations About Grief and Loss and has been featured in ABC News, BBC Radio, Women’s Health, Marie Claire, and The Sydney Morning Herald. Sally is a leading voice in the grief space, blending lived experience with trauma-informed tools to support emotional wellbeing.
Connect with Sally on LinkedIn.
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