When grief takes over: what’s really going on in your body?
Ever felt like you’re walking through a fog, your heart racing, your thoughts scattered, and your body wired for no good reason? Yep – that’s not just in your head. Grief and the nervous system are interconnected. So when you feel totally put of sorts, like your body has been hijacked, you’re not going crazy. That’s your nervous system trying to protect you.
In this episode of our mind-body mini-series, we’re joined by the incredible Lynsey Chan from Rhythm of Breath. Lynsey is our breathwork teacher, somatic healing expert, and the woman who taught us how to breathe properly again after loss. In this epsidoe we break down what happens in the body when we’re grieving. Spoiler: it’s a lot. But the good news? You’re not stuck there.
What is the nervous system – and why should grievers care?
Your nervous system is your body’s personal surveillance system. It scans your environment for safety (or threat) and adjusts your body’s response accordingly. That means when life sideswipes you with grief, trauma, or loss – your nervous system goes into survival mode.
Lynsey explains that the autonomic nervous system – which includes the brain, vagus nerve, and internal organs – is the part of us that decides whether we’re safe, or whether it’s time to fight, flee, freeze, or fawn.This system works automatically, in the background. But when we’re grieving, especially after a traumatic or unexpected loss, it can become dysregulated. Cue: anxiety, sleep issues, numbness, chronic exhaustion, or feeling shut down.
What the heck is ‘sympathetic overdrive’?
If you’ve ever felt like you’re living in a state of high alert, even when nothing’s technically wrong, you might be in what’s called sympathetic overdrive. It’s that constant fight-or-flight state where your body thinks it’s under threat…all. the. time. This is grief and the nervous system at work. Understanding the body’s stress response can be wildly empowering, because it means we can start to shift it.
How breathwork helps regulate the nervous system
When feeling anxiety, panic, or shutdown due to grief, the breath is your in-built remote control for the nervous system.
Here are two go-to breath practices from the episode:
1. For anxiety and overwhelm: the power of the exhale
- Slow your breath down
- Breathe in gently through your nose
- Purse your lips and exhale slowly, like blowing through a straw
- Repeat, focusing on lengthening the exhale
This calms the sympathetic nervous system and helps activate the parasympathetic (your rest-and-digest state).
2. For shutdown or low mood: energising inhales
- Inhale for 4 counts, exhale for 4 counts
- Add a short breath hold at the top
- Keep the breath smooth, rhythmic, and energising
Great for when you feel sluggish, foggy, or like you’re ‘out of body’.
The takeaway: you’re not broken – your body’s just trying to protect you
Through breathwork, we can create safety in our system. This allows old memories or energy to come up and be processed. This is what somatic healing can do. It’s the science-meets-soul magic we wish we knew years ago. If you are grieving and feel like your emotions are too much, this episode is for you. It gives you permission to stop blaming yourself.
Understanding how grief impacts the nervous system is the first step to feeling more grounded, connected, and calm.
You can listen to the full episode here.
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Author bio:
Good Mourning is one of the world’s top grief podcasts, with over 1.2 million downloads and a loyal global community. Founded by grief educators and authors Sally Douglas and Imogen Carn, Good Mourning offers compassionate, relatable, and expert-informed content to help people navigate loss, grief, and healing. From bestselling books to community-led workshops and podcast interviews with leading experts, Good Mourning is a trusted grief support hub for anyone experiencing life’s hardest moments.
Learn more at goodmourning.com.au.
Related reading:
Brain fog and grief: understanding the cognitive effects of loss
Grief burnout and emotional exhaustion: rest is a skill you need to learn
