Grief burnout is a REAL thing. On top of living with the emotional and physical slog of loss, there’s the juggle of work, parenting, studying, maintaining relationships, being social and all of the other small (but oh-so-necessary) life chores. You might also be shouldering the grief of others, or coping with huge changes to your family structure, routine or finances.
Then top it off with “deathaversaries” and big griefy milestones, it’s no wonder you feel burnt out. You probably don’t have the energy to motor along at the same pace as you did before your loss, even years on. Grief burnout can feel like a full-time job.
How to Recognise Grief Burnout and Start Replenishing Yourself
It’s not always easy to spot when you’re close to burning out in grief, because there are already so many different things coming at you at once. When you are stretched thin with the busyness of life PLUS dealing with the beast that is grief, you might not think you have the time or headspace to look within. Your needs have fallen to the very bottom of your to-do list, as you try and survive each day while experiencing grief burnout.
If you’re cartwheeling towards burnout, it’s important to know how to replenish your reserves. Maybe you’re trying to juggle it all, or maybe you don’t know where you can begin to start to take back some control. Simple things like practicing boundaries, asking for help and taking a little time for yourself can all play an important role in getting through this tough time. They aren’t hard to do, and they can make a huge difference to your well-being.
Burnout Definition: What It Is and How It Affects You
Burnout, as defined by the World Health Organization, is a syndrome resulting from chronic workplace stress that hasn’t been successfully managed. But that’s not the whole picture. I recently read an excellent book called Burnout to Brilliant by Dr. Marny Lishman, who explained that burnout happens when we’re not processing emotions properly. She says that burnout is an ongoing state of feeling overwhelmed, exhausted, and emotionally drained due to consistent stress in your life. If you’re grieving, experiencing grief burnout makes total sense. Burnout symptoms often include physical exhaustion, emotional depletion, and a sense of disconnection or cynicism about life. Which can also be common experiences when deep in grief. Hence why it’s important to take extra care of yourself if you’re coping with loss.
The Burnout Cycle: When You Keep Overdoing It
Grief burnout can stem from years of stress or a traumatic event, you know, like a death. The grief educator Alicia Forneret so perfectly describes it as “rocketing through challenging times”. Periods of prolonged stress coupled with the sheer mental and physical exhaustion of grief, as well as living day-to-day life, means that the warning signs of running out of battery might not be easy to spot. For some, she says, dealing with financial and family commitments might mean there’s no other choice but to muscle through, contributing to grief burnout.
And when we’re grieving, we’re not only dealing with the constant emotional strain of loss that depletes your energy, but also life’s everyday demands. It’s a lot.
When we push ourselves beyond our limits repeatedly while experiencing grief burnout, we enter the burnout cycle – a repetitive loop of overdoing it, exhaustion, and collapse. According to a 2021 study by Gallup, 76% of employees experience burnout at some point, and emotional exhaustion is one of the most common contributors. For those navigating grief burnout, this cycle can feel even more pronounced.
Why Rest as a Skill Can Break the Grief Burnout Cycle
This is why rest, and giving yourself permission to do nothing, is so important. And, it’s a skill. There’s a great Instagram post by Psychologist Nicola Jane Hobbs where she talks about how, actually, it takes time to expand our capacity for rest. Rest is a skill – something that we cultivate. Learning to be unproductive is not always something that comes naturally to us. But it is so very important when dealing with grief burnout.
As two people who have always struggled to stop and sit, this concept struck a chord with us – we’d never thought of resting that way.
Reframing rest as a skill lets us set realistic expectations about how challenging letting ourselves be unproductive can be. It also means we can go easy on ourselves when resting because we won’t be very good at it initially.
Practical Ways to Protect Your Energy and Prioritise Rest
We can be hard on ourselves when we’re not always in a state of doing or constantly kicking goals. So, we try to do it all. But the only thing that happens is that we do ourselves in.
- Be realistic about what can get done in a day. If there’s no time, it can wait.
- Set boundaries with screen time. After dinner, try putting your phone onto aeroplane mode for a technology break.
- Make intentional time for mindfulness: Wind down by either coloring in, doing a short meditation or yoga practice to calm your mind.
- Schedule unproductive time: Block off time in your calendar to do nothing (yes, nothing). Treat it as a non-negotiable appointment with yourself.
Rest isn’t about doing nothing. It’s about being realistic about what you can and can’t do in a day. It’s about giving yourself some grace – and space – to replenish your energy reserves, which are quickly emptied when contending with grief burnout.
Want more tips on how to manage grief burnout? Check out our episode on Boundaries, Grief and the Joy of Saying No with Natalie Lue.>
